today's news

Sand Mandala being made here in Albany this week.

First, a huge thank you for everyone that took the time to write to me.

I don't know. Call it premonition. But it's good to know you're out there, hearing me!

My sister called me from Germany this morning (--- for those of you who don't know, I have no family of my own here, all my family and relatives are in Germany where I grew up ---) and told me that my dad had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. He tried to get out of bed this morning and couldn't due to intense dizziness and nausea. From what I know now, they checked out his heart, and it's fine. They checked him for stroke symptoms, and he's fine there too. Right now they are doing what my sister called a Computertomographie, and I do not rightly know how to translate that. I will have to bookmark one of thos online medical dictionaries soon...but it sounded like a brain scan.

My mother is a wreck, of course. I am forcing myself not to look at travelocity for flights right now because I do not want to give in to too much worry.

The whole thing feels like a really important dress rehearsal. Except I don't know where the script is and I forgot my lines and where I am supposed to stand on stage. I wish I had a manual in a drawer that I could pull out and follow. Sure I could book a flight; it's spring vacation here soon and hubby and kids would be fine without me. But do I go now, or save it for when there's "really" something serious going on? The big What If has crossed my mind more than once in the past. All I can do from here is listen to my sister, and wait by the phone, and wait some more.

And then, at the end of our conversation, she tells me that my dad's life long friend died yesterday. I remember that guy really well. He would do chin-ups in the door jamb where he had installed a bar. He was a rock climber and always exercised. The two men would go skiing or hiking or climbing. My dad rides a mountain bike, for crying out loud. (He's 69).

Anyway. This long time friend had a series of horrible strokes that confined him for the last 10 or so years, well cared for in a home, but nonetheless. It was always very hard on my dad to see his formerly athletic buddy completely conscious but completely unable to move or communicate.

He passed away yesterday, which by most would be considered a blessing.

But I want to bet the farm that my dad is having a sort of a breakdown after the news. He's a mostly calm, quiet, deep kinda guy, steady. Usually, nothing rattles him much. But then something happens, and it hits him hard, and then something happens to him. (I've seen it before.)

Thanks for being here with me. I'll keep you posted.